EATEN BY BRITISH FISHES!

Much delayed, I am declaring a new theme. It is, “Something Urban This Way Comes”. Because I can, I have decided that the first two additions to the carrotfarm urban dictionary (copyright of the actual Urban Dictionary is hereby ignored) will include this rather gut-wrenching short piece by Halifax’s Howard Beye, and one of my own photographs from the city of Edinburgh. Pretty please, send me more things to fawn over. You know you have stuff you wanna send. SO do it.

The Shot Rang Out 

Oh it was me and the shot rang out once or twice or was it thrice. I can never tell, I am not used to the gun at all and when it goes off it jars my ears to such a fever pitch that I can’t tell how many. Or how far. But far enough because the running man stopped running and fell forward face down in some mud, Only a little mud puddle actually, however deep enough to drown in if fallen in face first as this man had. But I don’t think that drowning was his worry then. I wished he hadn’t looked at me funny like that. I told him I didn’t like it and how I wanted him to stop but he just kept on, so I took out my gun which is quite large given I have such a delicate bone structure or at least that is what my momma told me time and time again, but I don’t understand cause I can’t keep the weight off and I am pretty heavy and lumbering. I lumber around weaving from side to side as my weight shifts. So I think that I must be bigger boned than what my momma always insisted. I took out my gun and said that if he didn’t stop he would pay and he didn’t stop so I stepped up to him and proceeded to wack him a couple of good ones with the butt of the gun. He started to run and I just leveled my pistol and started pulling the trigger until he fell down. Self defence was what I claimed but cold blood is what they brought down in the court house that day. I tried to tell them about the kids in school but they paid no mind. Did I tell you the view from my window is heaven when the moon is full. 

Howard Beye 2008

 

 

Ladies who know what they want 

The Apres Post:
Check out this blog. I heart. http://blog.kallisti.ca/
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~ by carrotfarm on October 1, 2009.

2 Responses to “EATEN BY BRITISH FISHES!”

  1. That picture is so wonderful I don’t even know where to start.

    The truly wonderful thing about last night is that I was trying to figure out how to properly pour you a libation from the free verni beer without getting thrown out. I was settling for just pouring the libation down my own throat (I knew you’d approve, but it still didn’t seem quite right…I read the Odyssey too many times as a child). But then, as Mar and I were freeloading into our purses, we had a collision and a beautiful bottle of ice cider fell to the ground and exploded spectacularly. So it was meant to be – you are now part of the SAS, in spirit.

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